Guess who's baaaack! :)

That's right...after over a year hiatus, I have decided to begin blogging again. It came to me, almost like an epiphany as I was giving C his nightly ba-ba...I need an outlet. To say the last year has been an emotional roller coaster seems like an understatement. Besides the obvious life and hormonal changes, the Hubs and I have been affected (like most Americans) by a crumbling economy and an utterly sucky housing market. We both went through our fair share of job uncertainty and have a daily reminder of how we are stuck in a townhouse that was supposed to be a smart investment.

But today, after a particularly trying day at the office, I came home feeling defeated. See, for me, going back to work after having a baby has never gotten easier. Sure, I'd have a good day here and there, but the sour feeling in my gut of missing out on Bubba's day-to-day activities never subsided. While I know that I am doing the right thing for my family, the guilt is always there...the fact that I have to read about what my son had for lunch instead of serving it to him myself, or that for 5 days a week, I see him for about 10 hours total is enough to make me crazy. The one part about motherhood that no one tells you about is the guilt...it's ALWAYS there. If I stay home, I would feel guilty that I'm not helping provide for my family. If I go back to work, I feel guilty that I'm not there all the time. I feel guilty for having the TV on while I fold laundry in front of C, or the fact that I threw some chicken nuggets in the oven for dinner instead of cooking him something more nutritious...It's always there.

So like I said in the beginning...I felt like I needed an outlet. To vent my frustrations and joys, my daily struggles and my mini-victories. Today was hard. I wished I was in a position to storm out, but I didn't. Instead, I worked hard, left at 5pm, fought traffic, came home, cooked my family dinner, drank wine, laughed hysterically with the Hubs as our 15 month old little boy danced his heart out to Pit Bull's "Give Me Everything" (don't worry--I'll post a video another day), listened to giggles and splashes during bathtime and last, but certainly not least came my favorite part of everyday: The ten minute ba-ba. I snuggle up with C in his rocker, dimmed lights, just Mama and Bubba. As he drinks his ba-ba, I kiss his forehead and soak up as much as possible to get me by until the next night. With every gulp, I watch as his eyes close slowly, like the sun setting over the ocean - calm and peaceful, little by little. When he is all done, like clockwork, he opens his mouth one more time for his binky. I scoop him up, and carry him to his crib reciting the same words my mom said to me before bed...God bless you, sweet dreams, I love you, see you tomorrow, night night.

We have a SMILER!!!

Over the last few days, Colbein has shown us some pretty adorable smiles that are genuine and not caused by gas or while he is asleep. He likes it when we tickle his cheek or tap on his nose while making a "beep!" sound...it's enough to make his momma melt. Just see for yourself:

Tickle, tickle...

So fun!

Happy Boy!

See! Told ya'! :)

Colbein's First Month!

Little Cole has been growing so fast! Here are some of the highlights of Colbein's first month:

The ride home from the hospital

Before and After (My water broke while sitting on the exercise ball watching the World Cup!)

Snuggling with Papa

First bath...not happy.

First outing...to Mommy's favorite place--TARGET!


Cuddles with Grandma

4th of July with Mommy's Cousins: Mike, Bryan and Erin

Smirky...

Peanut! Made by Auntie Jennie

Playing with Cole's girlfriend, Claire

Loves his Auntie Jennie

First stroller ride in Madison Park

Father and Son...so sweet


Hello!


Monkey Jammies with Bennett

It's so hard being 1 Month old!

One month old!

Dear Colbein,

I can hardly believe you are one month old. Other Mommys and Daddys told me this would go fast, but no one could have prepared me for how fast. You are growing so fast and we already have seen bits and pieces of your sweet little personality. We know that you don't enjoy baths, but will tolerate them, you like being snuggled close but like your arms to be free, you hate your vitamins, you like music and dancing with Mommy and Daddy and you love to eat.

When we brought you home, Mommy had so much anxiety for how you would sleep at night. It only took you 5 days to learn that night time is for sleeping, as we were so surprised when you slept for 6 hours straight when you were 8 days old! And every night since, you've been a pretty excellent sleeper. You've also taught Mommy to be more easy going as I've had to succumb to the fact that you rule the house. Priorities have changed--snuggling with you is much more important then tending to the house, which is why dust is collecting on our mantle and why I've neglected updating this blog. You definitely have reminded us of the simple joys in life; a coy smile, a pleasant walk on a sunny day, the feeling of your little hand grasping our finger.

You seem to be discovering new things every day. You have been fascinated by your hands (although, I don't think you know that you have control of them yet!), and you discovered your mobile in your crib a couple days ago and seemed to love staring at it...an event that left Mommy in tears as I often thought about what you would be like as I was making it and hoped you would love watching it turn.

You have showed us a love like none other and we are so thankful everyday that you came into our lives.

Ti amo per sempre,
Mommy

With one hello, I'll never be the same...

Colbein Rocco

June 27, 2010

12:45am

8lbs 8oz, 21inches

This post is loooong overdue, as Colbein is now 3 weeks old. I'm just starting to ease myself into "real life" and out of my post-birth-bliss-haze....stay tuned for more...

Big Sigh...(insert Jeopardy song here)

Waiting, waiting, waiting....

Had another visit to the Doctor today and there wasn't too much to report. Still dilated 1-2 cm, and 50% effaced. Things are progressing, just very very slowly. We have an ultrasound scheduled for Thursday morning to see how Peanut is doing inside (ie: if s/he is showing signs of stress, amniotic fluid levels, etc, etc) and we'll go straight to the Doctor's office after to review the results. We were told to bring our bags because if anything from the ultrasound seems off, then we'll be going straight to labor and delivery to be induced (another sigh). If baby is happy, then we will be sent home for more waiting.

I don't know which is worse. I do not want to be induced, but obviously, if that is best for baby then that is what we will do. And I certainly don't wait to wait another week. The benefit for a Thursday induction is my Doctor is on call, so she would be the one to deliver. BUT, we are really hoping that I will just go into labor on my own. Preferably within the next 65 hours....

Last Survey (hopefully!)

How far along? 40 weeks!

Total weight gain/loss: ~+36...yowza!

Maternity clothes?: Yes, I have stained many of them, since I cannot see when I spill on my belly...so they are not looking very chic.

Stretch marks?: I made it to week 38 with only a few stray stretchies, but courtesy of baby dropping, I have patches of them below my belly button. Good-bye bikini...FOREVER!

Sleep: Pretty darn good. I get up to pee about 3 times. Wish I could say the same for the Hubs, thanks to my liking the window open and my incessant snoring (which was only made worse by my cold). He now wakes up shivering, forced to listen to an orchestra of snores and snorts.

Best moment this week: Hearing from the Doctor that I am 1 cm. dilated and 50% effaced! Progress is progress!

Movement: Yes: big, rumbling movements.

Food cravings: Grape popsicles...mmm!

Gender: No idea. Hubs still thinks boy.

Labor Signs: Cramping...inconsistent though.

Belly Button in or out? Flat and ever so slightly out.

What I miss: Not feeling my belly on my thighs when I sit, margaritas, not freaking out by every little feeling inside.

What I am looking forward to: Giving birth and hopefully celebrating the Hubs' 1st Father's Day!

Weekly Wisdom: Stay busy during the last few weeks/days. Helps to not obsess!

Milestones: Made it to the due date!